from: The Onion [1]

November 28, 2007 | Issue 43•48
FCC Eyeing Cable Regulation

The Federal Communications Commission will vote on placing a number of restrictions and regulations on the unregulated cable industry. Here are some of the proposed changes.

All shows claiming to be "the next Sopranos" must submit a proposed series ending before airing pilot

No more than three crawls on screen at the same time

Product placement only allowed if characters would really, really enjoy the brand

Shopping networks can no longer allow customers to buy merchandise shirtless

Add "HBO: Tom Hanks" to list of available HBO channels

The Hallmark Channel and Spike TV must be bundled in the same package to cancel each other out

Weather Channel limited to five F-words per hour